Thursday, April 12, 2012

Is Such a Thing Possible?

I never wanted to be a Supernatural fan.

I never planned to have a Tumblr full of pictures of Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins.

I did not start out to be a Sherlock fan.

It was not down in my datebook to be bitterly disappointed by the second season.

I did not have it in mind to become a Stargate: Atlantis fan.

I really had other things to do besides become obsessed with John Sheppard/Rodney McKay fanfic.

So what the hell happened?

Is there such a thing as a "reluctant fan"? Because if there is: I'm it. I really don't want to care about the Winchesters or their ridiculous Plot Convenience Playhouse angel! I feel I should email Eric Kripke and tell him, 'I didn't agree to this. Please, get your story out of my head.'

But did I then somehow agree to my other fandoms? Because I'd never dream of emailing Steven Moffatt with a similar request! George Lucas sleeps safely at night knowing I will never ask him to get his story out of my synapses.

On the other hand, I've been a fan of those two universes for so long that they're just kind of...there. They're in my head, like Arthur Dent and the continents of Earth as mental furniture and there's another one! I remember reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy when I was, I think, 9 or 10 or so: didn't understand a bloody thing that was going on and I was crying I was laughing so hard. Why was "petit fours lolloping off into the distance" so funny? No idea. Didn't even know what a petit four was. Knew it was pretty fucking funny all the same.

I think I resent my fandom of Supernatural, Sherlock, et. al. a little bit because I tend to become -- ahem -- somewhat emotionally invested in my fandoms. Well, don't we all, really? Or we'd find something else to do with our time, right? And I picked up all of the above as a break from the things I was emotionally invested in.

The Doctor being sealed into the Pandorica? That's okay: Dean's probably doing something charmingly unfortunate and oh look! gym socks.

But it doesn't work, does it? Anything interesting enough to keep my attention for more than a season is probably good enough -- even if only borderline good enough! -- to get my involvement...even if I don't notice it happening.

Hm. This is a thought I had hoped would work itself out as I started writing but it didn't quite work. To be continued, I think...

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